Category: boundaries

1. If you don’t want to do it …

2. If you don’t like the people …

3. If you’d rather relax …

4. If you’re already overscheduled…

5. If you don’t have the time …

6. If it doesn’t fit your values …

7. If you feel forced to say “yes” …

Givers need to set limits because takers seldom do.

The way you treat yourself is the standard you set for others.

You can’t force someone to respect you, but you can choose not to be disrespected.

1. Choose people who genuinely like you, and who want you to be yourself.

2. Choose people you don’t need to impress.

3. Choose people who treat you with respect.

4. Choose people who want you to do well, are happy when you’re happy, and who want to understand.

5. Choose people who are loyal, and who care

6. Choose people who’re dependable and safe.

You don’t have to defend or explain your decisions to anyone. It’s your life. Live it without apologies.

1. “I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.” This lets the person know your plate is full at the moment.

2. “Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of something. How about we reconnect at X time?” This lets the person know it’s not a good time. However, you also convey your desire to help by suggesting another time (at your convenience). This way, the person doesn’t feel blown off.

3. “I’d love to do this but …” This is a gentle way of saying no. It’s encouraging as it lets the person know you like the idea but I can’t take part due to other reasons, such as prior commitments.

4. “Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.” This is more like a “Maybe” than a straight out “No”. If you are interested but you don’t want to say ‘yes’ just yet, use this.

5. “This doesn’t fit with what I’m looking for now – but I’ll keep you in mind.” Sometimes it is just best to turn the person/ offer down. Otherwise, the discussion can drag on and on.

6. “I’m not the best person to help on this. Why don’t you try X?” Again, sometimes it is best to say you’re the wrong person to help etc. If possible, refer them to a lead they can follow-up on instead.

7. “No, I can’t. Sorry.” The simplest and most direct way to say no.

Source: http://zenhabits.net/say-no/ (Abridged)

You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.

Give yourself enough respect to walk away from someone who doesn’t know your worth.

1. Recognize that you have choices. Usually people-pleasers feel as if they don’t have a choice, and they have to say yes when someone asks for their help. But you DO have a choice – and it’s Ok to say no.

2. Decide on your priorities. If you already have commitments or you have set priorities then it’s easy to say no as you’ve a genuine excuse. Do what matters most to you, and please remember – it’s your life.

3. Stall for time – don’t give an answer right away. Say you need a bit of time before you make up your mind. That allows you time and space to think about the consequences. For other things will likely suffer if you take on far too much.

4. Don’t be afraid to add conditions to your yeses. For example, say that you’ll only say yes if someone else says yes as well – or only take on a new task for a set period of time.

5. Are you being manipulated? There are plenty who will use you to ensure their plans succeed, so watch out for those compliments and empty flattery.

6. Be firm when you say no. The first time you say no it feels uncomfortable and hard. But once you’ve done that a few times it starts to feel much easier. Also, if you sound confident then others take you seriously.

7. Don’t defend you decision. You have a right to say no – and to NOT defend yourself. It’s your life after all – you don’t have to explain why … or come up with excuses … or be pushed and pressurised. And don’t apologise to others – saying no is not a crime.